My Little Reader has her next appointment with Dr. Kay a week from today. I thought that I was doing ok with it. Not great or even good, but ok. I have an idea, more or less, of what to expect. The one thing about Dr. Kay is that he doesn't sugar-coat it. So really he told me what to expect a full year ago when this whole journey began. A year ago he told us that it takes 6-12 months for the actual damage to her eye to show up. She didn't do great with her field of vision test the first time...she did less great with the short version in October. I am actually holding my breath to see how it goes a week from now. Like I said, I thought I was doing ok...that is until I burst into tears during lunch today. I also have a fairly constant nervous stomach. I can go hours with it not even crossing my mind and then BANG it hits me right in the gut and full throttle in the middle of my chest. So. I will be holding my breath off and on for the next week. There will be moments of great peace and assurance that no matter what happens next week science is AMAZING and there are incredibly talented men and women working everyday to make this better. There will also be moments when I find myself struggling to catch my breath, to hold the tears in as I mourn the things I expected and wanted for her to never have to worry about. I know that her challenge is so small in the grand scheme of things. I know that she can go and do anything she wants with her life (well...except for flying a plane or driving a semi or possibly driving anything). I will hope that the moments of peace will out-number the moments of dread. And I will believe that whatever His plan for her life is-it is perfect and beautiful and exactly as it should be.
2 days ago