Living by hope

We live by hope.

We do not always get all we want when we want it.

But we have to believe that someday, somehow, someway, 

It WILL be better!

And that we can make it so.

Hubert H. Humphrey

Numbers were down this week. And for now that means surgery can wait. Hoping they stay that way. 

Feb. 27 - 40

Mar. 8 - 30

Mar. 15 - 23

Hoping beyond hope that the numbers keep trending down. Hoping beyond hope that science is working as hard as I am praying. Immensely grateful to a man that I have yet to meet who started this whole journey during a routine eye exam. I am profoundly grateful to him and the difference he has made in My Little Reader's future. "Met" another angel this week. A mom, who knows first hand the exact road this journey takes. I have no doubt that someday our little girls will play together. It makes me happy to know that they will always have someone who knows exactly what it feels like. :)

A prayer in my heart

So, tomorrow we see another specialist for My Little Reader. This time we are seeing a different pediatric ophthalmologist. After all we went through last time, I vowed I wouldn't go back to the other one ever, ever again. A few weeks ago My Little Reader went in for a regular eye appointment. The optometrist we saw last time doesn't work at that office anymore. I wish he had been there since he had a better understanding of the condition of her left eye. But either way the optometrist she saw felt there was concern that she has developed glaucoma in her good eye. And thanks to the wonder of the internet and a quick, easy and painful search I learned that glaucoma can lead to optic nerve atrophy just like in her bad eye. Which means she could end up with 2 bad eyes. Which leads to things that I don't even want to put on paper, having them in my heart and mind is hard enough. So, once again I have a prayer in my heart and on my lips. A mantra over and over, pleading constantly that this will be ok, that she will be ok, that medicine for once can help and make a difference and preserve the eyesight she has. I pray for the doctor that he is one of the awesome ones because heaven knows we have had both awful and amazing doctors and it makes all the difference. I pray that he will have a good bedside manner and that he will know the fears of a mother and will calm them regardless of what the outcome will be.  I pray for my little girl. I pray constantly that she will be able to see whatever she wants for the rest of her life. I pray that we have already gotten through the worst of this. I pray for the doctors that are making advances every day. I pray that they will be inspired and that they will create miracles that will touch her life. But mostly I just pray for peace. I pray for the same peace I felt with the 2nd MRI and that when I wake in the morning I won't have any of the fear, terror, or nausea that plagued the first MRI. But at the end of the day all fear, nausea, hope, tears, pleading aside, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan, that his plan is perfect and just as it should be even if I can't see it yet. 

I have an army

Today we were running late. It is oh-so-hard to be motivated to do anything when you can hear the wind whipping against your house and you know that the temperature outside is currently 16 degrees but feels like 4 due to wind chill. Running late on days like today is not a good thing. Cold weather means that the students are sent to our classrooms earlier than usual. Which means the teacher should be earlier than usual...not later. But it was hard to find clothes that would keep me warm enough and still be somewhat professional. Regardless of the reasons-we were late.

Then we arrived at the preschool to drop the little-est off. The whole building was dark. What?!? Last night in the course of 5 minutes I received 4 texts and 3 emails alerting me to the fact that we were allowed to wear jeans today. I know that jean day is like manna from heaven for school teachers, but did the district cancel school and everyone just forgot to tell me? Nope. But the preschool was closed. No electricity=no preschool. NOW WHAT? So I piled the little-est back in the car and hurried on our way (now we were even later and I had an extra, unexpected kid in my car). I knew that my principal would rather have me + the little-est than try to call in a sub for the day. So we scurried into the classroom, mere steps in front of my eskimo students. The principal came by and I told her of my predicament. No problem-he can spend the day here. But somehow that didn't seem like a good idea.

Suddenly, after what had been maybe 15 minutes of panic it dawned on me that I have an army. I have an army of amazing friends that I have made over the past three years. Girls I know I can always count on in a pinch. Two of these friends took care of getting my kids home when I was sick a few weeks ago and will help in a few weeks when we are out of town. Another friend is always ready to lend a hand. At least 3 of the current moms in my class would have come to collect my little-est in a heartbeat. And I could go on. I called one of these girls and she swooped in to save the day. Even that took an army. A mom from another class who happened to still be at school took the little-est to another friend's house who then took him to his destination for the day.

We lived in our South Mountain home for more than 4 years and I never had friends that I could count on like that. 

And once again I found myself feeling so blessed that we call this small town "HOME". It isn't the quaint, old-fashion tree lined small town from the past, but it is perfect and wonderful and I feel so lucky that we found our way here.

11-23-Busy but happy

It was a busy, busy day. Running from one place to another. But it all got done. Kindergarten kids turned heavy whipping cream into butter and made cornbread. Somehow even though I saw neither hide nor hair of my aide today I assembled 24 turkey hats before the Thanksgiving Tasting. We also managed to get an important page done for a Thanksgiving book that should go home tomorrow. And I hurried to cover and decorate the tables for our Tasting. Somehow I found time to scurry over to see Sugar and Spice for 10 minutes of his preschool feast. Made it back just in time! We had a great Thanksgiving tasting party. The classroom is amazingly clean despite the amount of food that they consumed.

While the girls were at the after school program I managed to take down 2/3 of the Fall-Thanksgiving decorations to make way for Christmas to go up on Saturday. We also made a quick trip home, dropped My Little Reader off at ballet. Picked up Sugar and Spice. Zipped back to the school for movie night. Left the littles with a friend while I ran back to pick up the oldest and still managed to see the last half of the movie. Phew! I am tired just typing it, but it all got done. And now tomorrow I can look forward to a totally kick back day while the rest of the kindergarten teachers scurry around like I did today! I think I totally got the better end of the deal!

11-20: A day of thankfuls

Today I am thankful that I wore boots to Church. I am not sure who thought it would be a good idea to blow the air conditioning, but I wholeheartedly disagree with them. I was glad for my boots. My toes were still cold. I can't imagine how cold they would have been without boots! Next week I will remember my coat, too. I was saved during Primary. I got to hold a warm, cuddly, sleeping baby. He kept me nice and warm, if not a bit jealous. I can count on one hand the number of times my three kiddos combined ever slept in Church!

I am thankful that my CTR 4 class was actually well behaved today. It is about time!

I am thankful to come home to warm jammies for my freezing toes!

I am thankful that Ben made dinner so that I didn't have to.

I am thankful for on-demand. I have said it before, but I love being able to watch shows that are on far too late for this tired teacher.

I am thankful that it seems I may be completely over the bug that came to visit two weeks ago. With Ben having been home sick two days this week, Emma was the only one to steer clear of this particular flu bug. I am hopeful that it is gone for good.

I am thankful for a short week. I do love my school kids, but with the hectic pace of the past few weeks it will be nice to have time with family.

11-19: Crazy Hat Day

Today I am thankful for Crazy Hat Day at school. You may remember that last year I was less than thrilled about Crazy Hat Day. But today I love it...and I will tell you why. My Little Reader practically bounded out of bed today and at only 6:07. On a normal day I am lucky to pry her from bed before 6:10 and only after an onslaught of tears and drama. Mornings around our house are not often enjoyable. But today was a completely different story. My grumpy morning girl was pleasant and helpful and lovely to be around.

AMAZING.

It also helps that my kids at school really are stinkin' cute this year. Oh...and we don't have a giant sombrero or quacking duck hat. Thank goodness.

11-15

Today I am grateful for yummy dinner. It is only the second time since I got sick that I have actually cooked dinner. I picked something that I love to eat and the kids loved it too. The fact that all three kids loved it is reason enough to make this a regular meal in our house. I am also thankful that with the changing of the seasons and the lower temperatures our electric bill is 1/3 less than last month! Almost exactly the amount we needed to pay the anesthesiologist!

11-12

Today I am grateful for awesome parent helpers. The three ladies that were in my room today are great. They are easily becoming some of my all-time favorite parent helpers. I am glad that the week is over and I am on my way out of town! I am so thankful to finally be feeling better. And though it was completely unintended I am grateful for a kickstart to losing weight. It has totally motivated me to keep it up and hopefully see a big difference by Christmas. Five days of being sick put me half way to my goal. Now the second half is up to me! I think I can...I think I can...I think I can!

11-11: At last!

Today I am grateful to have my engagement ring back on my finger and in one beautiful piece. It broke months ago...sometime during the trip to Texas in July. I had put off taking it in. Not deliberately more of not remembering to take it with whenever I did manage to go in to town. But, on Ben's birthday I thought ahead and took it with us. We took it to the same company that we had originally purchased it from thinking somehow that would be in our favor. A few days later I was called with the estimate, $158 plus tax. YIKES! No thank you. I think I will pay My Little Reader's radiologist bill instead. So, when I picked it up I took it to another place that my mom had suggested. Guess what? The cost of repair, including replacing the diamond chip that was lost...just over $21!!!! It should have been a whopping $10 more, but the girl saw that I live 45 minutes away and took pity on me. So today, with three kids in tow I went to pick it up. Amazingly the kids sat and read a book while I took care of things. (now if only they could have also been delightful in the car 5 minutes later.) I am happy, happy, happy to have it back!!!

11-10: Finding the Right Friend to Talk To

Today I am grateful for having just the right friend to talk to. Sometimes I can be a bit of a hypochondriac when I get sick. I let myself think that things are potentially far worse that they really are. So...having been sick for almost 5 days now and with symptoms different from others it made me start worrying. But today I felt inspired to talk to a particular friend and found that she has been in the same boat as me, both with her symptoms and worrying. It was such a relief to find out that I was not alone in either case.

11-9: A Day of Rest

Another day in bed. I think (hope) I am better and will make it through the day tomorrow. Today I am grateful that I thought ahead enough to plan for a sub. I am grateful for Ben taking the kids to school. I am grateful that the girls had enrichment class today giving me an extra hour of rest. I am grateful for a quick and easy dinner. I am grateful for having a clean kitchen that I didn't have to clean. I am grateful to be heading to bed early once again. Time to get healthy and ready for a girl's weekend!

11-8: Real Food

Today I am grateful for my first actual meal in days. I have been living off of saltines, water, and the occasional piece of toast. Tonight Ben made Hawaiian Chicken. I thought I would just eat rice, but the smell was just too much. It is nice to eat something warm and creamy for a change...I hope I still think so in a few hours. But just in case, I am thankful that I was smart enough to plan ahead and leave everything a sub would need tomorrow.

11-7: A Great Husband

Today I am grateful for a husband that let me spend the whole weekend in bed. The yucky bug finally caught up with me. I have spent the whole weekend moving slowly between the kitchen (for more water and ice) and my bed. Thanks to him for keeping the kids fed, braving Wal-mart on a Saturday and staying close to the miniscule budget he was given. Thanks for not complaining that I literally did nothing this weekend. Thanks for bathing the kids and putting them to bed. Thanks, thanks, thanks. Here's hoping I can get through the day tomorrow.

Gratitude 11-3: Going to bed early

I don't have what the kids had (that should be a big thankful in and of itself!) But I am worn out from too many nights of interrupted sleep. So tonight, it is bed by 8 -- same as the kids. Here's hoping it really works out that way!

Gratitude 11-2: An amazing sub

I was home again today. I was supposed to be at a training, but instead I was home with recovering kids. But I am SO thankful to know that my students were in GREAT hands! Last spring I had the good fortune of working with a great student teacher. And today she subbed for me! Awesome! I love knowing that everything that needed to get done, did. That everything we do on a regular day happened today just as if I was there. And more than that, my kids were great for her. Of course they were, because I do have a terrific class, but you never know how they will behave for a sub. So, today I say yea for having a good friend and amazing sub that I can count on!

A month of gratefuls

I thought I would try something new this month. I haven't been very diligent in posting recently and it came to mind that this month is a good month to get started. I have so much to be thankful for so I want to spend this month counting my "gratefuls".

Today I am grateful to have found my memory card. I realized a few days ago that it had gone missing. I have been a bit frantic looking for it. Today as I was home with a sick kiddo I practically tossed the place looking in every crevice in hopes of finding it only to come up empty handed. Then this afternoon when I went to the school to pick up the healthy kiddo I was in my classroom looking once again in every crevice. Two friends had come in and I had expressed my distress over losing something that held pictures from so many memories. No sooner had I told them that I was afraid the memory card was gone forever when I picked up my gigantic Harcourt curriculum manual and it literally fell out onto my desk. I am so thankful to have found it. It holds pictures of so many important memories. Needless to say...all pictures have since been saved to my computer!