Sad.

This post has nothing and yet everything to do with the last one. Every once in awhile when I think about My Little Reader and her glaucoma I just feel sad. So sad. Sad that it wasn't caught earlier. Sad that it has the potential to take choices away from her. Sad that her symptoms were dismissed for years by multiple individuals who could have (and some who REALLY should have) caught it. Just sad. It still hits me in the middle of a random day and I have to hold back the tears. Today it was the stupid lyrics in a song. I couldn't tell you the song or even the specific lyrics at this point (that is how fast I turned it off), but the words stung. Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of times when I feel hopeful and grateful. Yesterday I was driving down the freeway on my way to renew her prescription and I was feeling so grateful that Dr. Kay was able to do the most extraordinary thing of cutting her little eye open and helping to heal it. But then tonight in my Facebook feed there was an update from the Glaucoma Foundation that I follow. They give me so much hope. Even the story I read today gives me hope. But behind that hope there is still this lingering sadness. The reality that for now this is forever.