Melancholy

I am pretty sure that I need a new sitter. I have known this almost from the beginning, but it keeps nagging at me. Whispering in my ear. The kids are happy. My Princess in Training loves her preschool group. Sugar and Spice also seems happy. The sitter, however, does not seem happy. Maybe I am misreading her. Maybe I expected too much. I wanted Leslie, but instead I feel like we have Madi. Nice enough, but certainly there is no love lost when my kids go home at the end of the day. I know setting my sights for someone like Leslie is asking way too much. But is it wrong to want that for my kids? For them to be with someone that loves them and plays with them and misses them when they are gone? I don't think so. If I could stay home, I would. But I can't, so I want that someone that takes my place during the day to be great. And, so, I think it is time to look for someone new. But that means first I must break the news, which I am so not good at and so not looking forward to. I don't want to offend or hurt someone's feelings. I know it has to be done. I just can't figure out how. What if it comes as a complete shock to her? What if she thinks everything is going great? How do I even begin such a conversation? Does it have to be a conversation? Can I do it by email. I am good with email. Lots of time to think and edit. What are your thoughts? Because seriously, I need some advice!

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edit...9:25 PM...

I have reached my decision. Had a stomachache all night. And then a pretty good cry. I know that my decision is going to make My Princess in Training sad and that is by far the hardest part of the whole process. She will undoubtedly tell me that I am breaking her heart...and I have no doubt that in ways both big and small, I am. Hopefully whatever comes next will make up for it. Though in the pit of my stomach I am still having a very hard time knowing that this is going to be hard for her. Time for some more Kleenex.